


Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

by JeremyBearimy



Series: Gay to Me [4]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Soft Jen Harding, Storm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeremyBearimy/pseuds/JeremyBearimy
Summary: Judy struggles with post-traumatic stress as a result of the accident, Jen comforts her. Takes place somewhere between episode 4 and episode 7.





	1. Lightning Strikes

**Author's Note:**

> This story diverges from the canon hit-and-run accident which happened on a clear night; for the purpose of the story Judy hit Ted in the middle of a storm because of the lack of visibility. In this story the thing that triggers her most is being stuck in similar weather conditions rather than the actual act of driving.

Judy stood at the kitchen island washing the dishes while Jen sat opposite her up on a stool, nursing a glass of pinot grigio in one hand, tapping impatiently at the island with her other. She was staring out the window, watching a monsoon fall on her backyard; one that hadn’t been predicted. “Jesus,” she muttered. Jen had been waiting for the rain to slow down for a couple of hours, but it hadn’t stopped. And it had been too late when she realized she’d left her favorite blanket outside, but that was beside the point. She was anxious for it to stop because of the face Judy was making every time she looked out the window. There was a nervousness in Judy’s expression that she was clearly trying to hide whenever she looked out at the rain, and Jen picked up on it easily; she could tell Judy didn’t wanna walk out there to get to the guest house. “Well,” Jen sighed impatiently, “might as well stay in until this storm calms down.”

Judy’s gaze shot from the window to Jen, looking at her wide-eyed, realizing Jen had picked up on her nervousness. “Right . . . yeah. It should slow down soon.” Judy scraped vigorously at a dirty pan, staring directly down at it in an attempt to distract herself. When the kitchen was illuminated by a flash Judy flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, Jen inspecting her curiously. 

Once Judy opened her eyes she could see within her peripheral that Jen was watching her, so she scrubbed even harder. Jen rose an eyebrow at her now, trying to figure out what her problem was before a loud rumble of thunder shook the house. Jen’s expression didn’t change, nor did her gaze leave Judy. Judy attempted to act unfazed but Jen could clearly see the shudder that ran through her and the tremble in her hands that followed. Scrubbing harder was not enough to hide her shakes at this point, especially when the pan was already clean.

“Jude, hon, are you alright?” Jen looked a little more perplexed than concerned at this point.

Judy’s eyes shot up, “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” she shrugged unconvincingly, looking back down at her pan and continuing her work, “ _ totally _ fine,” she flashed a fake smile whenever Jen looked up at her.

“Uh . . . right,” Jen stared at Judy as if she had three heads, “well, why don’t we switch places, I’ll do the dishes,” Jen stood from her seat.

Judy shook her head frantically, not looking up, “No no, I’m  _ fine _ , seriously, you’re letting me stay here, I should be doing the dishes, I like doing dishes, see?” she kept scrubbing and smiled hard at Jen, another phony smile.

Jen came around behind Judy and placed a hand on her shoulder, which made her jump, clearly on edge, and turn around. “Go sit down,” Jen said calmly, “just let me do this before you ruin my pan.”

“Oh . . .” Judy dropped the brush into the sink, “I’m sorry. Right. You’re right.”

Judy began turning around, but just as she did, the sound of thunder shook the house again, Judy instinctively clinging to a calm, unmoving Jen out of fear. Jen stood with her arms by her sides as Judy squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around her back, clinging to the back of Jen’s blouse.

“Uhhhh,”Jen bent her arms awkwardly under Judy’s grip, patting her back, “you don’t really seem fine, Judy.”

“Oh,  _ fuck _ ,” Judy let go, jumping back, “sorry! Shit that was, uh,  _ weird _ of me, I’m so sorry,” Judy threw her hands over her face.

“I mean,” Jen shrugged, “yeah . . .”

“Ugh,” Judy leaned over the island on her elbows and shook her head, “I don’t know what got into me. I think I just got startled.”

Jen nodded slowly, still looking at Judy with the same perplexed expression. “Uh . . . right. Are you, like, afraid of lightning?”

Judy winced uncomfortably, not responding, but Jen got her answer when another strike hit and lit up the house, Judy shuddering yet again. 

“Gonna take that as a yes . . .” Jen moved to the sink and turned the water on, continuing the dishes. “Sit down and have a drink, okay? It’ll calm you down.”

Judy nodded solemnly, eventually pouring herself a glass of white wine and sitting in Jen’s original spot. She was sitting with her arms crossed and her shoulders tensed up, trying to take deep breaths, but her body wouldn’t relax. Whenever she heard the sound of thunder or rain she was immediately thrown back to months before; the sound of her tires screeching . . . her window shattering . . . and “ _ Drive _ , stupid!” . . . all over the backdrop of pouring rain and thunder. They all came in a queue in her brain; one that started with the sounds of the storm and followed with the rest. Now with the opening sounds coming in for real, her brain wouldn’t stop expecting the rest to follow. Judy pulled an arm away from her chest, reaching out for her glass and bringing it shakily to her lips. The moment she got it there another round of thunder and lightning hit, the sound of glass shattering scarily reminiscent of her windshield. It took her a moment to realize the rest of the scene wasn’t replaying, and that the sound of glass shattering hadn’t come from her subconscious.

“Jesus, Judy!” Jen came quickly around the island with a towel in hand, Judy too frozen to process what was happening. “What the hell was that?” Jen started dabbing Judy’s neck and chest with the towel while Judy sat still, not moving. “Thank God this wasn’t red,” Jen murmured. Judy wasn’t responding, but her eyes were closed now to keep herself from crying. Jen sighed, “Don’t get out of this seat, okay? I’m gonna get a broom.  _ Don’t _ move.”

Judy nodded, trying not to cry in front of Jen. She crossed her arms over the surface of the island and hid her face in them, not wanting Jen to see the embarrassment in her expression.

Jen was back in seconds sweeping up the mess around Judy.

Judy lifted her head timidly, “Can I help?”

Jen shook her head. “I’ve seen you handle broken glass.”

Judy dropped her head back down, remembering Jen cleaning and bandaging her hand while she closed her eyes and looked away; that was her first night here. Jen had been so gentle with her, rubbing her arm to calm her and repeating “It’s okay. Almost done. Almost all done,” not judging here for tearing up at the sight of her own injury. Her face was getting hot now. She was supposed to be here to take care of Jen and yet it was almost always Jen who was taking care of her. Was she really this helpless?

“Okay,” Jen brought the broom back to its original place, “I’m all done.”

Judy slowly lifted her head, hoping Jen wouldn’t notice the redness in her face. “God, Jen, you must think I’m such a nuisance. I’m so sorry.”

Jen shook her head, “That’s alright. It’s not like you dropped the glass on purpose.”

“Ugh, I’m so sorry. I’ll buy you a new set of wine glasses, I feel so terrible,” Judy let her face fall into her hands.

“You don’t have to do that,” Jen said as she came up behind Judy and rubbed her back, “it was an accident. It’s alright. Seriously.”

Judy sniffled, still covering her face, “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not, honey,” Jen squeezed her shoulder gently. “Your dress is covered in wine. Do you want me to go over to the guest house and get you something to put on? I know you don’t wanna go out there,” Jen let go of her shoulder and turned in the direction of the door as she asked.

“No!” Judy quickly turned around and grabbed Jen by the wrist. Jen raised an eyebrow at her, looking down at the hand on her wrist and back up to Judy’s face. It hit Judy that she’d just grabbed Jen only after Jen gave her that look. She released Jen’s arm the moment it registered. “I mean . . . Sorry. I just . . . don’t want you to leave me alone. Sorry for . . . grabbing your arm. I’m not sure why I did that.” The color flushed from Judy’s cheeks; she tried not to look directly at Jen.

“Jesus,” Jen folded her arms, “you’re  _ that _ scared?”

Judy nodded shamefully.

“Well,” Jen sighed, “have you like . . . talked to a professional about that?”

Judy scratched her head, looking away from Jen. “No, it’s . . . a pretty new development.”

“Oh,” Jen nodded, “well did something happen?”

Judy chewed her lip nervously at Jen’s question. She knew something had happened. She couldn’t say no. Lying to Jen was so difficult. “Yeah . . . I got in a bad accident. The weather was like this. Now it just . . . freaks me out. It’s ridiculous, I know. I’m not even driving.”

“It’s not ridiculous. Were you hurt?” Jen took a seat next to her.

Judy shook her head. “It was the other guy who got hurt. Came out of nowhere. It’s all over now, though. Sorry, I don’t like to think about it. I guess that’s why this is freaking me out.”

“That’s okay,” Jen placed a hand on her shoulder, “you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to pry. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Thank you,” Judy couldn’t bring herself to look up at Jen. She didn’t deserve Jen’s sympathy, but she needed her right now.

“Come on,” Jen got up from her seat and took Judy’s hand. 

“Where are we going?”

“My room. You can borrow something of mine for now.”

Judy sniffled and allowed herself to be pulled along, saying “Thank you.” Just then lightning struck again, Judy flinching in response. Jen looked back at her and squeezed her hand for comfort. This was enough to calm Judy for the time being.

When they got to Jen’s room Jen dug through her drawers and pulled out a pair of blue sweatpants and a thin white T-shirt, tossing them onto her bed.

“You can wear those tonight. Just give me your dress and I’ll wash it.”

“Okay,” Judy hesitated, “well, could you unzip me, then?” she asked, turning her back to Jen.

“Sure,” Judy heard from behind her. Jen placed a hand on her shoulder as she found the zip, slowly tugging it down. Goosebumps prickled on Judy’s skin; she wasn’t sure if it was the cold air or Jen’s hot breath against the back of her neck, but a chill made its way through her.

She hadn’t really had a reason to pay attention before but Jen realized her friend was in incredible shape. Thoroughly impressed by the muscles of her shoulder blades and those she could see in the back of her arms, Jen had to keep herself from reaching out and touching, realizing she was finished unzipping and could step away now, but she couldn’t keep her eyes off of the smooth skin of Judy’s back.

“Thanks,” Judy said quietly, slipping her dress off of her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. Jen watched her close, her eyes gliding over Judy’s skin, particularly distracted by her slender legs and the two matching dimples at the small of her bare back, and of course the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra. She tried to keep her eyes away from her friend’s ass—feeling more perverse by the second—but that became impossible when she bent down to pick up her dress, her lace-trimmed, floral panties in the air. Jen squeezed her eyes shut, but couldn’t keep from thinking that Judy bent down at the waist that way intentionally. When Judy stood up and turned around to hand Jen the dress, it took her a few seconds to register the fact that Judy was trying to hand it over.

“Oh, yeah,” Jen tried to act casual as she took the dress from Judy.

Judy smirked at her, “Were you staring at my ass?”

“Ha ha. Very cute.” Jen sounded annoyed now.

Judy crossed her arms over her chest, “Well, my eyes are up here.”

Jen’s eyes widened when she realized she had been staring, but in an attempt to play it off as though she wasn’t, she rolled her eyes and huffed, walking off with Judy’s dress in her hands. “Do you want me to send you out to the guest house or what?” Jen called back as she walked out of the room.

“Uncalled for!” Judy responded. She threw on Jen’s clothes as quickly as possible. Even Jen being out of the room for a few minutes was horrifying. She wanted to hold her hands over her ears and curl into a ball on Jen’s bed, but she put on a brave face and got dressed. Jen’s clothes smelled just like her and that was enough to calm Judy while she sat alone in her bedroom. Wanting to see how she fit in Jen’s clothes, she stepped over to a mirror, looking herself up and down and tucking her shirt in, because she always tucked her shirt in. This shirt though was a bit too thin for her taste, especially with it being white and her not wearing a bra. “Great,” she huffed, but the idea of teasing Jen about this was enough to lift her spirit.

When Jen returned to the room she could barely look in Judy’s direction after the interaction they’d just had. “Okay, it’s in the wash. You all set?”

“I mean, I guess, but I’m starting to feel a bit objectified here.”

“Huh?” Jen asked, now looking at Judy.

Judy tugged at the shirt she wore, “You had to pick one that was transparent?”

Jen glanced at Judy’s chest and immediately back up. “Oh,” Jen said, unsure of what direction to look in because the view straight ahead was too much to handle. Her expression grew smug when she noticed the same awkwardness in Judy’s eyes. “So . . . is it cold in here or are you just excited to see me?”

“Very funny,” Judy crossed her arms over her chest and made her way towards the doorway, turning around once she got there, “you coming?”

Jen raised an eyebrow, “Not gonna change the shirt?”

Judy shrugged, “You’re the one who picked it.” 


	2. Maybe Once, Maybe Twice

Judy turned back towards Jen’s bedroom door and made her way back to the living room, dropping down onto the couch when she got there and tugging a blanket over her lap. Jen joined her shortly, carrying two glasses of wine for them both and tucking herself under the blanket beside Judy.

Judy had almost forgotten about the storm when lightning struck again. Jen was already right at her side but Judy still leapt into her and clung instinctively. Jen flinched a bit at the unexpected contact, but she didn’t comment this time, just let Judy’s head rest on her shoulder and held her, rubbing her back soothingly. 

“Jesus, Judy, you’re shaking,” Jen squeezed tighter. Judy didn’t respond, she continued to hide her face in Jen’s shoulder. “You can stay inside if you want. I’m not gonna send you out in this. I can set you up in here if you don’t mind the couch.”

Judy nodded, “No, of course I don’t mind. Thank you so much,” she sighed heavily, sitting back in her original spot, “God I am  _ so  _ sorry to be such an inconvenience. You must be so annoyed with me right now.”

Jen placed a hand on Judy’s arm, squeezing it, “No, honey, don’t be sorry,” Jen patted her arm, “you’re great company.”

Judy shot her a look of doubt, “Really?”

“Really. I didn’t realize how lonely I was here before. It’s nice having you around.”

Judy sniffled, showing Jen a soft smile that was genuine for once. “I was lonely too.”

Jen gave Judy a tight lipped smile and reached towards her, wanting to touch her in any way possible, not just for Judy’s comfort, but for her own. She placed a gentle hand on her cheek before tucking Judy’s hair behind her ear, leaving her fingers to run through the length of it while Judy sunk deeper into the couch; frozen but relaxed.

Afraid Jen might pull her hand away, Judy held her own over it, holding it to the side of her head and leaning her cheek against it, eyes closing softly. 

“Hey,” Jen suddenly said.

Judy opened her eyes; “Yeah?”

“Are you . . . gonna be okay if I leave you alone down here?”

Judy knew she wouldn’t be _ okay,  _ but she’d have to live with it. This was better than going out to the guest house, and at least she knew Jen would be right upstairs. “Of course. I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine. You can go to bed whenever you want. Don’t feel like you need to take care of me.” Judy knew she probably sounded unconvincing, but she hated the thought of Jen losing sleep or going out of her way. 

Jen sighed, sounding entirely unsure. “Okay, if you say so. I’ll finish this drink with you before I turn in, though.”

“Alright,” Judy nodded, “thank you again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jen shrugged, sipping from her glass. “Can I ask, what do you usually do when you’re alone and there’s a storm like this?”

“Um . . . hide under my blanket and cover my ears. I kind of just curl up into a ball and cry. Not a great coping strategy, but sometimes I can drown it out with music. Hasn’t really happened that many times though.”

“Oh God, honey,” Jen cringed, rubbing Judy’s arm softly.

“It’s totally irrational, I know, but it’s like, I can’t convince my brain that.”

“I know, it’s alright,” Jen said softly, running her fingers through Judy’s hair. “Well it seems like maybe it’s dying down? I haven’t heard any thunder in a little while.”

Judy nodded, “Yeah . . . seems like it.”

When they both finished their drinks Jen got Judy set up with fresh linen and a pillow on the couch. “Okay, all set,” said Jen, stepping away from the couch, which Judy sat on now. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine!” Judy tried to smile.

“Okay . . . well I’ll be right upstairs if you need anything.”

“I’ll be okay. Thank you so much, seriously.”

Jen nodded, “Of course. Well, goodnight. I hope you get some sleep.”

“Goodnight,” Judy pulled her legs up on the couch with her and pulled a blanket over her lap, “Thank you again.”

Jen crossed her arms and nodded before heading towards her room. It seemed like maybe the storm had settled down, which was relieving; it was so hard seeing her friend suffer like this. Jen knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing Judy was down there alone if the storm picked back up, but all she could do was hope for the best. What the hell else could she do? Lay on the floor next to the couch? Pull up a chair and sit with her until she fell asleep? Jen had to remind herself that Judy was a grownup and could handle being alone.

When she tried to sleep, all she could think of was Judy. Her thoughts were so loud, there was no distracting herself from them. The rain was coming down hard still, but no thunder. Jen didn’t  _ mind _ comforting Judy, she thought. In fact, that was something she spent a lot of her time doing, and it felt normal to her now. She liked Judy’s constant need of physical affection, because it was something she needed too. Judy needed to be held now and then, and Jen was more than willing, especially tonight. If it was any other adult, she probably would have been annoyed or thought they were being dramatic, but when it came to Judy, her heart ached. She wanted more than anything to protect Judy, to take the pain away, but tonight she had to leave her by herself, which took all of her strength. She would have stayed with Judy longer but could not think of any excuse to stay up all night with her.

After about fifteen minutes of staring at the ceiling, thunder clapped yet again. Jen audibly groaned. “Come the fuck  _ on _ ,” she whispered to herself, thoroughly pissed off at Mother Nature. And then it came again and again, the storm back in full swing. She knew she wasn’t falling asleep now; not when all she could do was worry. She wanted to go and check on Judy, but what could she do? Jen wanted to hold Judy and comfort her until this ended, she realized. Knowing her worry wasn’t going to leave her alone until she saw Judy and made sure she was okay, she got up and made her way towards her living room.

When she got there she found Judy curled up on her side, hugging a pillow to her chest, tears rolling down her cheeks. The moment she noticed Jen entered the room she sniffled hard, as if it would suck her tears back in, and wiped her face frantically with the backs of her hands. “Oh! Uh, hi Jen. What are— what you doing down here?” she asked, trying to make her voice sound more chipper than usual, like she hadn’t just been bawling her eyes out.

“I came to check on you. Since it’s getting bad again.”

“Oh . . . well thank you, but you don’t have to do that. I’m totally fine.”

Jen rolled her eyes, “I know you’re not fine,” she gestured to the couch, “Can I sit?”

“Oh, yeah, please,” Judy said as she scooted up the couch, sitting up against the arm. “Okay,” Jen took a seat on the couch as close to Judy as possible, taking her by the hand and squeezing it. “I can’t sleep knowing you’re feeling like this.”

“Oh no, Jen, I’m sorry, please don’t worry about me, you don’t get enough sleep as it is, I’m really okay I just—”

Jen cut her off before she could finish, “—Clearly you’re not okay, Judy. Listen, I was thinking about it and . . . do you think you’d be better off staying in my room tonight?” She bit down hard on the inside of her cheeks, knowing that might be an inappropriate thing to ask someone you’re ‘just friends’ with, especially as a grown woman.

Judy’s eyes widened, “Oh! Well Jen that’s very generous but . . . I don’t wanna impose, I’d be taking up your space. And I wouldn’t wanna keep you up.”

“You wouldn’t keep me up. I don’t mind sharing a bed. It’s been really empty . . . I kinda miss having someone there anyways. And I’d sleep better if I could keep an eye on you.”

Judy mulled it over, chewing her lip. She  _ wanted _ to, sure, but she was so afraid that she’d keep Jen up all night with the way her body reacted to every single thunderclap. And she was worried about thoroughly embarrassing herself in front of Jen, because she could  _ not _ keep the tears from flowing. But the idea was so appealing. Maybe Jen would hold her, she thought, because she knew Judy was scared. Maybe she’d hold Judy until she fell asleep. The thought of not being alone right now was enough to get Judy on board with the idea, so before she could change her mind, she said “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jen’s eyebrows quirked up. 

“Okay,” Judy nodded, confirming, “Never thought I’d see you try so hard to get me into bed . . .”

“Very funny. Don’t make me change my mind,” Jen said as she stood, taking Judy’s hand yet again and leading her upstairs to her bedroom.

“Ugh, you have such a nice bed,” Judy said as they entered the room, rushing over to the bed and dramatically falling back onto it, her arms straight out to the sides. Jen sighed and shook her head, but she truly loved the picture in front of her, especially since Judy was temporarily distracted from the storm and acting like her usual self. Her outfit didn’t hurt the image either; something about seeing Judy wear her own sweatpants and her own T-shirt was heartwarming. She looked comfortable and precious, laying there on Jen’s bed, in Jen’s cozy sleep clothes, her nipples showing through her shirt to the point where it was becoming distracting, but Jen tried to ignore that part.

“So,” Judy sat up, leaning back on her palms, “which side is yours?”

Jen pointed to the left side of the bed, where her nightstand sat.

“Got it,” Judy climbed up on the bed completely and crawled to the opposite side, sitting up with her legs crossed. “You gonna join me?”

Jen snorted, offering Judy a small grin, and climbed onto the bed beside her. “Seems like you’re doing a little better?”

Judy shrugged, “It’s calmed down out there, so yeah. I think I’m doing a little better.”

“Well, good, happy to hear it.”

Just then, the windows lit up with lightning.

“Fuck,” Jen groaned. Judy closed her eyes and winced, putting her hands over her ears in preparation for the thunder that would follow. When it came, Judy’s teeth were clenched and her face tight, eyes shut. She tried hard not to let any tears slip out in front of Jen, but one or two may have escaped. “Hey, hey,” Jen put a hand on Judy’s thigh and rubbed it gently, “why don’t you get under the covers, okay?”

Judy nodded, a clear pout on her face, but she crawled under the comforter with Jen, the two of them laying very close. Almost touching, but not quite. Judy laid on her back while Jen laid on her side, facing towards Judy. Three more rounds of thunder and lightning immediately followed, each making Judy flinch, and now she was trembling hard.

Jen sighed sympathetically, “Come here, sweetie,” Jen raised an arm to allow Judy to scoot into her and wrapped it around her protectively. Judy faced towards Jen, her arms pulled up to her own chest, and she nuzzled into Jen’s. Jen wrapped both of her arms affectionately around the smaller woman, pulling her in closer to her chest and rubbing her back lovingly. “It’s okay,” she whispered, “It’s okay, honey, it’s gonna be over soon. You’re safe. I’ve got you, okay?”

Judy nodded tearfully into Jen’s chest. “Thank you,” she whispered.

They stayed in that position for what felt like hours, Judy flinching whenever lightning struck, and Jen whispering sweetly and combing her fingers through Judy’s hair, squeezing her tighter each time. The two of them had never been this intimate with each other before, but neither of them seemed to mind. Jen couldn’t help but notice how natural this felt; Judy being in her bed with her, Jen holding her close and touching her affectionately, it felt comfortable and  _ right _ , Jen thought. Part of her wished Judy would sleep with her every night, which she knew would probably be inappropriate, but she missed having someone to share a bed with, someone to keep her warm at night. She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do it, but Jen craned her neck a bit and kissed the top of Judy’s head, maybe to see if Judy would say anything. Judy said nothing, just snuggled in closer to Jen. The storm had calmed down long ago, but Jen didn’t let go. She missed this type of intimacy and affection, and had no desire for it to end.

“I think,” Judy sniffled, her voice muffled by Jen’s chest, “I think it’s settled down out there.”

“I think you’re right . . . is that your subtle way of asking me to let go of you?” Jen asked, releasing her tight grip, but keeping one arm draped over Judy as she scooted back enough for the two of them to be face-to-face.

“No, of course not, just thought you might need some space . . .” Judy said, her voice trailing off as she spoke.

Jen shrugged, “Nah. It’s nice . . . having someone here again.”

“Yeah?” Judy searched Jen’s eyes, looking for any hint of insincerity, but she couldn’t find any. All she found were Jen’s icy, blue-green eyes staring back at her adoringly. Jen moved the arm that had been draped over Judy and brought her hand to the back of Judy’s jaw, gently swiping over her cheek with her thumb. “Yeah . . .” Jen answered, speaking softly, not pulling her eyes away from Judy’s. There was a brief moment where Judy could’ve sworn she saw Jen’s eyes glance down at her lips, but they quickly shot back up. Was Jen coming onto her?  _ And do I really mind? _ she wondered.

“Jen?”

“Mm?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Judy asked timidly, glancing in all directions.

“Sorry. I don’t know,” Jen lifted her hand from Judy’s cheek, only to comb the brunette’s hair out of her face with her finger tips. “You’re just . . . really beautiful. I wanted to get a good look at your face, I guess. Now that there aren’t tears running down it.”

Judy chuckled bashfully, not really knowing how to respond but entirely flustered. It wasn’t like Jen didn’t compliment her often, she’d called her beautiful before, but this was different. And the way she was looking at Judy was  _ different. _ “Thank you,” was the first thing Judy thought to say, offering a soft smile, “and so are you. Beautiful, I mean.”

Jen was  _ definitely _ looking at her lips now, Judy thought. She was being less subtle about it, gauging Judy’s reaction. The implications made Judy nervous, her face starting to heat up, but she wasn’t opposed to the idea. If Jen wanted to kiss her . . . she was alright with that. She’d never really thought of women in this way before Jen, but as she pushed the idea into her head, the thought of something happening with her was exciting at the very least. Judy scooted closer, face to face with Jen, and moved her hand to the back of Jen’s hair, caressing it lovingly. 

“I know what you’re thinking . . .” Judy whispered, Jen’s expression didn’t change, but her heart was racing, waiting for Judy to say anything else. “. . . do it,” Judy said encouragingly, pressing her body against Jen’s.

Jen closed her eyes and swallowed hard, but she leaned in. Parting her lips, she matched them with Judy’s, cradled Judy’s head in her hand, and pulled her even closer.

Judy kissed back, much to Jen’s relief, but her heart was still pounding in her chest, wondering if this would change everything. But she wouldn’t have to worry about all of that until this was over, so the two of them made it last as long as they could. Judy wrapped an arm around Jen, pulling her in closer by the hips. Jen moved her hand from Judy’s face and ran it down the back of Judy’s T-shirt, feeling her over the soft, thin fabric. When she reached the hem of the shirt, she slid her hand up underneath it, wanting to feel the warmth of Judy’s skin against her own. Jen slid her hand back and forth across the small of Judy’s back, Judy sighing approvingly into their kiss. Jen took that as encouragement and moved her hand to Judy’s hip, running it up the length of her skin until her thumb brushed against the underside of her breast. Judy’s breath hitched, her lips forming a subtle but excited smile against Jen’s. That may have been intended as encouragement, but it didn’t stop the small wave of panic that hit Jen from coming. Judy was her friend, and she was probably being way off limits. She shouldn’t be touching her like this, she thought.

“Sorry . . .” Jen said as she separated from their kiss, pulling her hand out of Judy’s shirt, “I don’t know why I— Well I shouldn’t have . . .”

“Don’t be sorry,” Judy said softly, staring wide-eyed back at Jen, “I liked it . . . I liked kissing you, it . . . I don’t know. Feels right?”

Jen nodded, “Yeah . . . yeah I think it does too.”

“Then why’d you stop?”


	3. Oh And It Lights Up The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't really necessary to the story but here we are.

“I stopped because I . . . thought I was going too far,” Jen admitted.

Judy shook her head. “No. You weren’t. I wanted you to keep going. Do  _ you _ wanna keep going?”

Jen couldn’t help the nervous expression on her face. “I think so?” She sighed, “I’ve just never done this sort of thing. But, fuck it, yes I do.”

Judy grinned ecstatically, “I’ll help us get started, then.” She sat up and tugged her shirt off over her head, returning to her spot laying down, facing Jen, fully bare from the waist up.

Jen had watched intently the entire time, her mouth going dry and a familiar feeling of arousal pooling between her legs. “Oh . . . wow. Uh—”

“Come on, Jen, you’ve already seen them tonight. Don’t be shy,” she grabbed Jen’s hand and guided it to her breast, “Is that alright?”

“Yes, yes it is,” Jen said without moving her eyes from Judy’s chest. She played her hand gently over the smooth skin of her breasts, cupping her and closing her nipples between two fingers for the sake of the little squeaks Judy made to follow. “God, you are cute, aren’t you?” Jen murmured. The word “cute” didn’t roll off Jen’s lips easily, but there was no other word to describe it. Judy’s sounds were admittedly adorable.

Judy giggled, flustered yet again, “So I’ve been told.”

“And so sensitive . . .” Jen felt Judy’s nipple pebble under her fingertips, pinching it lightly but still making Judy whimper.

Judy gave a soft smile, holding her own hand over Jen’s, “That I am.” She brought her face to Jen’s and kissed her tenderly, moving her hand into her blonde trusses, then down her back, then lifting the hem of her shirt just a bit to feel her warm skin. She tucked her thumb under the waistband of Jen’s sweatpants and ran it back and forth. “Are you trying to take my pants off?”

Judy smirked, “Was thinking about it.”

“Well,” Jen sat up, effectively separating herself from Judy, “I’ll help you out,” Jen said before ungracefully climbing out of her sweatpants, leaving her in black cotton panties and a loose T-shirt.

Judy grinned at Jen as she laid back down, “You look sexy.”

Jen chuckled, feeling a bit flustered, “I’ve still got it, right?”

“Mmmm,” Judy nodded.

“I’m gonna take these off now,” Jen said with her fingers under Judy’s waistband.

“Okay,” Judy whispered. Jen rolled her onto her back and waited for Judy to lift her hips off of the bed, which she did, and slipped the sweatpants down her thighs and completely off.

Jen sat up, looking Judy up and down. “Fuck . . .” Jen muttered to herself at the sight of Judy’s body, clad in nothing but floral panties. 

Judy felt pinned down by Jen’s gaze, she could see Jen eating up every inch of her skin, making her feel even more exposed. Her cheeks were heating up now, a pink blush spreading over her neck and chest. “Alright, alright,” Judy said, taking Jen by the arm and laying her back down, the two of them face to face now, “that’s enough staring.”

“Sorry you’re just . . . really attractive.”

“Well thank you,” Judy smiled, pulling Jen in for a quick kiss and moving a hand to her back and up under Jen’s shirt. She moved it forward to touch Jen’s abdomen, fanning her fingers out over smooth skin and making her way upwards, slowly and cautiously. She could feel Jen starting to tense up, so she stopped.

“Jen,” Judy whispered, “are you okay?”

Jen nodded. “Yeah I’m—“ she closed her eyes, “I’m fine, Judy.” Her tone was dismissive, maybe even annoyed, Judy thought. 

“Well . . .” Judy chewed her bottom lip nervously, waiting for Jen’s full attention. “Can I take this off?” She tugged gently at Jen’s shirt, “Or do you wanna keep it on? It’s totally fine if you wanna keep it on I mean— I won’t touch you  _ there _ if you don’t want me to, but . . .”

“I mean . . . If you want to?” Jen glanced around the room nervously, “It’s just . . . I don’t think you’ll find it very sexy,” Jen brought a hand up Judy’s side and cupped her breast, “I don’t have warm, sensitive tits like you,” she said without looking Judy in the eye, holding her gaze towards Judy’s chest.

Judy frowned, “They don’t need to be like mine.” She brought the bend of her finger under Jen’s chin, bringing her eyes back up to her own. “You are beautiful. And I  _ would  _ like to see all of you. But only if you’re comfortable with it.”

Jen closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in through her nose and letting it out her mouth. Then she opened her eyes again, staring back at Judy, “Okay.”

A subtle smile came across Judy’s lips, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Jen whispered, looking down.

Judy’s smile quirked up a bit more, “Come on, baby,” she said as she sat up, encouraging Jen to sit up with her. She wasn’t sure why she called Jen that, maybe out of instinct, but she bit her tongue, hoping Jen wouldn’t think anything of it.

Jen’s expression seemed to soften at the term of endearment, and she sat up with Judy.

“Alright,” Judy whispered to herself before grabbing the hem of Jen’s shirt, tugging it up and over Jen’s head.

Jen watched as Judy’s eyes trailed over her skin, part of her wanting to cover herself back up. “Well, happy?” Jen asked. “I told you, not sexy.”

Judy shook her head at that, “I  _ am _ happy and you  _ are  _ sexy. Jesus Christ, Jen. You’re, like, sex on legs.”

Jen snorted and rolled her eyes, “I am  _ not. _ ”

“Shhh,” Judy leaned forward for a soft kiss, which Jen relaxed into, wrapping her arms around the small brunette, reining her in. “Can I?” Judy whispered between kisses, running her fingers softly up Jen’s rib cage.

“Mm-hm,” Jen hummed against Judy’s lips, nodding, trying not to make a big deal of it.

Judy slid her hand up the side of Jen’s breast, her hands on the newly exposed skin making her buzz from excitement, heat building between her legs as Jen’s hands explored her body in turn. 

Judy had one hand on the small of Jen’s back and the other mapping out her chest with the pads of her fingers. “So beautiful . . .” Judy whispered. She took one of Jen’s new breasts in her hand. The feel of it was  _ different _ , they were harder than her own, the skin a little less warm, but Judy didn’t mind in the slightest. Nor did she mind the pink scars that climbed just to the center of Jen’s breasts, where her nipples would have been before. She ran her fingers over them lightly, tracing them to show Jen that she wanted to touch every part of her, and that all of this didn’t matter to her. 

Jen hummed approvingly at her explorations, her sounds getting a bit louder when Judy’s thumb sunk into the back of her panties, sliding it back and forth underneath the waistband. Jen used her grip on Judy to lay them back down on their sides again. Judy took this cue to slide her thumb around to the front of Jen’s waistband. She felt Jen’s skin twitch a bit at the contact.

Jen felt a familiar rush of heat, the anticipation already driving her crazy, wanting Judy to love her in the most intimate ways. And she knew she wasn’t prepared at all; she hadn’t shaved her legs, she hadn’t even  _ showered _ today, and Judy could probably feel the growing stubble under her panties, but Judy—being Judy—made no comment. Even with her unwashed hair, bare face, and her “laundry day” underwear, Judy made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Jen wanted Judy as close to her as physically possible, overwhelmed by the return of loving physical affection after such a long time, wanting to soak in as much of it as she possibly could. Judy had filled her need for physical affection for a long time, something that she truly needed, but there was still something missing. Being loved wholeheartedly was a privilege, but being  _ desired _ . . . that’s what was missing. And it had been missing for a while now. That’s what left a gaping hole in her chest for the last year of her marriage; what made her lose the relationship she once had with her body, it felt as though it wasn’t hers anymore. But Judy was grounding her, reacquainting her with the body she’d once had a connection with.

Judy was running her free hand over every inch of Jen’s skin, pressing soft kisses into her neck and chest. Her thumb still ran back and forth under the elastic of Jen’s panties. Jen realized maybe she was waiting for some sort of go-ahead. “It’s okay,” Jen whispered, taking Judy’s wrist in her hand and tucking Judy’s small fingers beneath her waistband encouragingly. Judy’s breath hitched as she grazed new skin. She took the hint from Jen and sunk her hand in deeper, Jen gasping softly at the sudden dip of her fingers into new territory. “Oh,” Judy said under her breath.

“Yeah,” Jen whispered, “I guess you got me a little worked up.”

Judy tried to respond but her mouth went dry, she swallowed loud enough for Jen to hear. It became even more difficult to respond when Jen decided to follow her lead, slipping her hand down Judy’s stomach and into the front of her panties, making the brunette squeak. Jen found her reaction adorable; she scooted closer and brought her lips to Judy’s, the two of them colliding affectionately, hands still engaged in their own personal private explorations. They paid close attention to one another’s reactions; learning each other’s bodies the way lovers do when they have their first experience together. Judy was sensitive all over and not at all picky, eating up every touch of Jen’s fingers. Jen needed more control on her own part, and more focus from Judy, instinctively telling her exactly what to do, sometimes guiding Judy’s hand with her own. Judy didn’t mind being told what to do—in fact, the instructions put her at ease, since she really had no idea what she was doing—she wanted to know exactly what Jen liked. But deciding to take some initiative, she pulled her fingers out and grabbed the waistband of Jen’s underwear and started tugging at them impatiently. Jen lifted herself enough to help her out, getting them past her knees and laying on her back to eagerly kick them off the rest of the way.

They kept working at each other, each holding the other tight, hardly ever breaking from their kiss. Jen was first to completely unravel, having to pull her hand away from Judy to squeeze her with both arms as she rode out the sensation, whimpering into Judy’s shoulder and calling out her name as her legs shook. Judy was lining her neck with kisses, making sure she got the most out of this. It wasn’t long before Jen rolled onto her back, breathing hard and hoping to recharge some. She was feeling better than she had in a  _ very _ long time and wanted to repay Judy.

Judy was laying on her side propped up by her elbow, lazily sucking on her own fingers before wiping them on the comforter carelessly. She reached down and ran her fingers through Jen’s hair, which was wet with sweat, and maybe even a bit greasy from going unwashed, but Judy didn’t mind, she played with it just the same, watching Jen relax into her touch as her breathing slowed back down. 

“Jesus,” Jen chuckled, her eyes shut, “thanks for  _ that _ . I just need a minute.”

Judy raised an eyebrow, “A minute before  _ what? _ ”

“Before I return the favor.”

Judy snorted, “You don’t have to. Don’t feel obligated just because I—“

Jen cut her off, “—Yes, I do. Well, I want to.” Jen sat up as she spoke, pushing Judy onto her back. “Just, let me,” she kneeled beside Judy and hooked her fingers under the waistband of her panties. Judy lifted her hips permissively, letting Jen peel them off herself while she watched. Climbing on top of her, Jen nudged Judy’s legs subtly, Judy taking the hint and opening them enough for Jen to settle her knees between them. Judy could hardly contain the grin spreading across her face, biting down hard on her bottom lip to stop it from growing. Jen leaned down to kiss Judy’s stomach, soon scooting down more, kissing her way along.

“You’re really gonna take the dive, huh?” Judy asked, a smirk plastered on her face. Jen looked up at her from between her legs, returning the same expression.

“Guess I am,” Jen answered, taking Judy by the thighs to spread her legs wider, dipping her head down until her mouth disappeared from Judy’s view.

“Oh,” Judy whispered, “ _ Oh! _ ” She threw her arms behind her head, relaxed at first at Jen’s teasingly slow but still pleasurable pace. “That’s . . .  _ whew _ ,” Judy muttered under her breath, unsure if Jen could hear her.

Eventually, Judy lost the ability to keep her arms back behind her head the way that they were; she needed something to grab onto. When she came, her fingers were buried in Jen’s hair, a fistfull of it within her firm grip.

Jen had gotten up, a self-satisfied smile on her face, and taken a tissue from her nightstand to wipe her dripping chin, climbing back onto the bed beside Judy. “How’d I do?” Jen asked, Judy rolling over to face her. 

Judy giggled, knowing Jen already knew the answer to that question, and pulled Jen into a soft kiss. She could feel Jen grinning against her lips, which only made her pull the blonde in closer, the two of them wrapped up in each other’s arms securely.

Jen pulled away, searching Judy’s face, “Sooo . . .” Jen started, “So much for the whole ‘friendship’ thing, huh?”

“You mean you weren’t just being friendly just now?” Judy snorted, “Because I thought you were just eating me out, like, as friends.”

Jen laughed, rolling her eyes, “I hate you.”

“Well, anyways,” Judy rolled onto her back, “thank you, you definitely distracted me. That, uh, did wonders for my anxiety. Totally relaxed now.”

“Happy to hear it. You wanna go back to the guesthouse now?”

Judy scoffed, “You’re such an asshole, you know that?”

“Mmm, so I’ve been told. Come here,” Jen pulled Judy into herself, the two of them sharing their warmth, not bothering to put their clothes back on. “I think I like having you here.”

“In your bed?”

“Mm-hmm. Will you, I don’t know, start sleeping here now and then? . . . Maybe when you’re lonely or whatever . . . or I am?”

Judy chuckled, now snuggled up against Jen’s shoulder, “Yes, Jen, I’ll sleep here whenever you’ll let me.”

“So, that’s like, maybe seven nights a week,” Jen said as she drifted off.

“Mmm, okay, Jen. I’ll sleep with you from now on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this shorter work because next up is part 2 of So Steady As She Goes!


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